What is a brain? A brain is found inside a hollow hole in the head. It is attached to the body so that you have somewhere to hold your eyes, your ears, your mouth, your nose. All these parts are dependent upon the brain, a mass of twisted gray gooey tissue about half the size of a five-pound bag of sugar-in some it has been described as a vegetable-the size of a green pea. “You P brain.” Which means you probably are at a deficit when it comes to brain mass.Tumors. These are cancerous. They seem to be attracted to Nashville. They are tourists who come to Nashville to ride the scooters on the sidewalks, fall off the pedal taverns and consume too much alcohol in the pub crawl on Broadway. The symptoms of these tumors are sudden changes in slurred speech and stumbled gait, periods of yelling “yee haw”
The brain is used to function- something like a control panel- a switching gears- a monitor of sorts. For males it is mostly a GPS locating and surviving. It finds attractive women and food- not necessarily one in the same as in pretty women don’t have to know how to cook. The real brain that males are controlled by is the one in their pants, behind the zipper, below the waistband. In females the brain is mostly liquid- alcohol, diet cokes and Starbucks Latte.
Occasionally the brain is called upon to solve problems, but most problems are dealt with. Consequences of “not using the brain” are evident when one wakes up in strange places with strange people. The brain is a complex organ. Complex in the fact it has three regions of the brain: sex, food, and sleep.
The brain is like a Wi-Fi connection. It picks up signals and clues from the outside world. The noise in the background of gut feelings and bad past experiences is regularly ignored and overridden by another set of bad choices and new mistakes.
When one speaks of “out of mind” they are really saying, “I have a brain (I think) but it is clear at this moment that I was aware of its functional capabilities in the maintaining of my health.
The brain has sixteen billion neurons and not enough sense to balance the checkbook and remember passwords on fourteen different online accounts: Amazon, Citibank, google, yahoo, Comcast, ATT, six credit cards, the electric, water and gas company.
Brains can move all parts of the body except the body after a crucial number of four snooze alarms have been pounded into the nightstand.
Brain disorders can be described as a neurological disorder. Not all neurological disorders are brain disorders but all brain disorders are neurological A neurological disorder is any disorder of the nervous system. Structural, biochemical or electrical abnormalities in the brain, spinal cord or other nerves can result in a range of symptoms. Examples of symptoms include paralysis, muscle weakness, poor coordination, loss of sensation, seizures, confusion, pain and altered levels of consciousness. There are many recognized neurological disorders, some relatively common, but many rare. They may be assessed by neurological examination, and studied and treated within the specialties of neurology and clinical neuropsychology
One brain disorder that occurs in young adults is Math. It is characterized by night sweats, muscle tremors and panic attacks. Mostly when books, tests and pencils are required to answer questions in statistics, algebra, geometry and calculus.
Aphasia. The difficulties of people with aphasia can range from occasional trouble finding words, to losing the ability to speak, read, or write; intelligence, however, is unaffected. Expressive language and receptive language can both be affected as well. An example is when a wife has lost the ability to communicate and with frustration is hopeless explaining to her husband 1. Where the garbage can is 2. What day is trash pick up 3. What color the recycle bin for compost, glass and paper is 4. When the trash man comes that the can at the curb cannot come to the house without supervision.
Coma. A coma is a deep state of prolonged unconsciousness in which a person cannot be awakened; fails to respond normally too painful stimuli, light, or sound; lacks a normal wake-sleep cycle; and does not initiate voluntary actions. Coma patients exhibit a complete absence of wakefulness and are unable to consciously feel, speak or move.Comas can be derived by natural causes, or can be medically induced. Brain disorders characterized by binging on TV series of Game of Thrones, murder-mysteries, horror films, sci-fi, drams and documentaries.
Alzheimer’s is a chronic neurodegenerative disease that usually starts slowly and gradually worsens over time. Extended training, education and internships seem to contribute to the loss of the ability to function in activities of daily living. Victims of this disease are said to “spend more time on making a living than actually living.”
Dementia is a broad category of brain diseases that cause a long-term and often gradual decrease in the ability to think and remember that is great enough to affect a person’s daily functioning. Other common symptoms include emotional problems, difficulties with language, and a decrease in motivation. Dementia seems to cause impaired judgment caused by sunshine, testosterone, birth control bills, sand and college students on spring breaks.
Speech Pathology Social communication difficulties involving how people communicate or interact with others. Southerners can recognize this immediately from aliens who speak in foreign languages known as Yankee Lingo. Most Yankees know how far south the Southerners are from in the number of syllables in the word, “ Shiiiitt.”
Memory Loss or Amnesia can be caused temporarily by the use of various sedatives and hypnotic drugs. The memory can be either wholly or partially lost due to the extent of damage that was caused. There are two main types of amnesia: retrograde amnesia and anterograde amnesia. Retrograde amnesia is the inability to retrieve information that was acquired before a date, usually the date of an accident or operation. One example of amnesia after a weekend of the wife visiting her mother was exacerbated by the sudden discovery of a tube of fiery red lipstick and a pair of twisted G-string thongs under her pillow.
The husband suddenly suffered memory loss, amnesia and a cardiovascular stroke.
Endorphins. Literally means that we produce our own morphine. The surge of endorphins pulsating the feeling of vitality and superiority, Delusional desirability can be caused by men observing the cheerleaders at the county high school games, especially in Dickson and Cheatam counties in Tennessee.
Too tight to pay a professional. Who then must spend the money to call the ambulance and take three weeks off after brain surgery?
Brain damage and paralysis. Brain damage can be caused by comas, TBI, strokes, Can be a result of watching too many sports such as NBA, NFL, SEC, Major League, Bowling Channel, Tennis Chanel, College Basketball, football and baseball, ESPN 1, ESPN 2, CBS Sports, Fox Sports, World of Wrestling, World Fishing Network, Playoffs, March Madness, The Final Four and all Olympics.
Brain abscess. Infection of the greasy part of the gray matter. Causes swelling of the ego. The patient has feelings of superiority and narcissism. Treats family, friends and colleagues like dirt.
It stinks and is very painful for people who are exposed to people who have brain abscesses.
This is caused by ingesting one’s own bullshit, lies and flattering words.
Cerebral hemorrhage also known as a stroke. Hemorrhagic stroke is caused by a blood vessel that breaks and bleeds into the brain. Another condition that’s like a stroke is a transient ischemic attack (TIA) It is a sudden excruciating stabbing pain in the head that happens after one opens the bill from the credit card company, the phone company and the garbage can at the same time. The term CVA should be changed to a more appropriate terminology for the actual feeling: A mental bloodbath.
Intracranial Hypertension. It is an unexplainable severe headache and blurs vision effects. It has root causes in eating hot dogs at the Tiger Market while filling up your Cadillac Escalade with high fumes and 4.50 per gallon…then strolling into the filthy bathroom to scratch off your recently purchase entire roll of lottery tickets hoping that you have become a winner.
Hemorrhoids are swollen veins in the lowest part of your rectum and anus. Some people think they are as smart as artificial intelligent robots (AI) When they are really (IA) Idiotic Assholes.
They analyze, preach, explain and force feed their opinions on politics, women, religion, gun control and gluten free diets to everyone they meet. Hemorrhoids are not life threatening even though they are difficult and painful. Hemorrhoids are not the same as hemorrhage. Even though you would like to relieve their symptoms by hitting them over the head with a hammer until they are unconscious.
One thought on “What is a Brain?”
So Clever and Amusing! I’m sending it to all the relatives who send me cute viral videos designed to induce a laughing fit ending in coma. THX!