Every morning when Alice woke up, it was the same day over. She would sit up straight in bed at the razor sound of the alarm, and find herself looking at the empty space beside her bed. She ate breakfast alone, munching and reading the back of the cereal box. She was permanently on a diet, and had mantras about self-control to use for trigger foods she had learned from diet books. All the same, she always ended up with a bear claw along with her morning coffee she picked up from the shop, located in the ground floor of where she worked.
When she arrived at her desk, head buzzing with a sugar rush, she would tuck her hair behind her ears, and slide the headset on. She began her day this way, and lived her life this way. Her parents were in another state, and she never spoke with them. She had no friends and no siblings. It was as if she had never really been there, as long as she could remember.
At night, she would walk home, and stop by the grocery if she needed something. Sometimes, she would get herself a sushi roll, and tip the short man behind the counter for a fresh roll. Then, she would go home, practice whatever workout routine she had purchased from late night infomercials, and fall asleep with the TV on, before resuming her life again the next morning. This was Alice’s existence.
If someone asked her if she was happy, she would present a half-smirk, and nod, then put her head down, and go back to what she was doing, indifferent to further communication. Nobody knew she was a robot. Not even Alice. She never wondered why her life was always the same, she always felt the same emotions, in the same order, every day. She didn’t know that her memories were mostly programmed into her, and that she was not as old as she thought she was. She was never bothered by much but her weight. That, and the empty space in her bed. It never occurred to her why that space bothered her or even to ask why. She had never been programmed to seek human interaction for non-functional reasons, and loneliness was not a concept she understood. There was no reason for even the momentary pause she took ritually every morning. All the same, there it was.
Alice awoke one Thursday morning to the sound of the alarm. Outside, rain crawled down the pane glass windows of her apartment, and the darkness was lingering longer with the coming cold weather.She sat up in bed, and looked over to her side, just as she always did. Her customary seconds to pause were almost over, her inner clock would soon move her to the closet and her clothes. Then Alice did something new. She began to cry.
His kiss gave me a FRUSTRATION that I never felt before with his SALTY lips giving me the ability to see forever with someone. I was CLEAR on how he affected me. Like PURPLE Reign I was lost in his type of KIND. My ABILITY to pull away wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. I’d see this kiss to the end, whatever that end may be. I figured if we didn’t stop we’d end up at the hotel across the mall parking lot or just ignoring the fact that it was day light. Just let the emotion of this very first kiss to take us on the ride that I longed for and needed to feel. It had been years since I had a guy lay his lips on mine with the intention of making me weak.
When our group meets, we like to do word prompts as we’re being timed for 2 minutes or more. It’s fast, exciting and allows your creative child to play and react quickly without the editor to get involved. I’ve cleaned it up a little but this is what came out tonight.
OUR WORD PROMPTS WERE: Fried, Perfect, Broken-up, Climb, Spike, Swing-back, Happy, Energy
It wasn’t the most PERFECT day; in fact it pretty much sucked. I hardly had any sleep and the sun was blaring in through a crack in the drapes that annoyed my eyelids. I heard the knocking on my bedroom door and was hoping it was in my dream but it wasn’t. I pushed myself up with squinted eyes and feeling FRIED, as I dumped my feet on the floor. The knocking got louder and louder as I quickly pulled my sweats on and ran down to the door. There he was, my father all dressed and ready to go somewhere, anywhere but not sure where that was. I calmed him down and started the coffee as he sat at the dining room table waiting for me to wait on him like it was an old-time diner. I felt BROKEN-UP inside as I watched him staring out the window. The blank stare that I knew he would never CLIMB out of.
I had to giggle a little though as I saw his hair was SPIKED in the back. I wasn’t laughing at him but it was the innocence of him not knowing and not caring. I wished I could have that at times. To SWING-BACK to the time of youth when all I cared about was riding my bike when I got out of school, or catching your favorite song on the radio for the 3rd time of the day, or seeing the neighborhood guy, who I had a crush on, ride his skateboard down the hill. Yes, those were HAPPY times filled with ENERGY of the simple moments. I long to get that back. I especially longed for those moments of escape like a holiday as I cared for my father. I wasn’t trying to get out of anything, but trying to get into a mindset to handle the daily grind of a person going out of their mind. At moments it felt like I was losing my mind…going crazy…burnt out and at the same time grieving what the future would be. There is no turning back, no way out, it is coming as sure as the sun rises and the moon sets.
I started The Wake Me Up Writing on January 11, 2014, after reading the book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. I have renamed them from The Morning Pages to The Wake Me Up Pages because you do them after you wake up in the morning and they wake up your life. Whether you are an artist or not, this form of free-style writing is helpful in connecting with your soul and honoring yourself. The Wake Me Up Writing is done in the morning by handwriting 3 full pages in a half hour. Here’s a better explanation…..
WHAT’S THE PURPOSE? To write in the morning when our minds are relaxed and open. To guide ourselves in our lives, our work, our relationships and our art. To get the junk out of our heads that keeps recycling (complaining, errands, tasks, worries, emotions etc) and allows us to get to the real stuff in our creative minds. We are giving our being a chance to speak without being shushed, ignored or edited. Many people of all walks of life and careers use this form of writing to guide their lives in a direction that their being is seeking.
WHAT DO YOU NEED? A notebook, a pen, a comfortable seat and 30 minutes.
1. Get a NOTEBOOK – I like the 70 page, wide ruled notebook because it takes me about 30 days to fill it up. The wide ruled also fits my larger handwriting better. But you try and decide what fits you. I also like choosing a fresh notebook to start in every 30 days. I sometimes decorate the front with stickers and markers. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I work in small doses.
2. Get a PEN – get a pen that moves easily. The important thing is to make sure you “like” your pen, it will be your best friend every morning.
3. WHEN YOU WAKE UP – this is done in the morning right when you wake up, before you start any work or thinking, when your mind is relaxed and open. (This writing will not be effective at night) You’ll want to grab your cup of coffee too!
4. CONSISTENT WRITING SPOT – choose a comfortable spot to write each morning. This is also important because where you write either invites you in or turns you off. You might need to test out a few spots in your home before deciding on what fits you the best.
5. SET A TIMER – setting a timer is helpful in the beginning. Set it for 30 minutes and keep writing until it goes off.
6. HAND WRITE – 3 full pages, yes front AND back!
7. FREE STYLE – no need to edit, spell or grammar correction. This journal is personal and not to be shared or edited at all. It’s suggested to not even read it for many days. I actually wait months before I read my previous entries.
(The meaning of FREE STYLE? It’s stream of consciousness. Write whatever comes to your mind…the grocery list, your argument with your friend, work issues, dreams, fears, memories…whatever comes to your mind….WRITE IT. There’s no incorrect way….just keep writing what comes to your mind. If you draw a blank then write “I am drawing a blank I have nothing on my mind but it figures last night I couldn’t stop thinking but now when I can work through the issues I have nothing so last night I was bothered by…….(see what I mean? It leads you back to something you want to discuss with yourself)
8. ONE PAGE, TWO PAGE…. Keep writing and get beyond the first 2 pages because that’s when your heart and soul come out. Don’t be surprised to write a lot of tasks and shallow, small-talk before that. It’s ok. We must get that stuff down and out of our minds to get to our being.
9. BE PATIENT with yourself – be kind to yourself – love yourself.
10. STICK WITH IT – enjoy the ride of this process, it will amaze you, it will lead you and bring you to a higher self.